Cardiff and London

Last weekend I decided to go and visit my Mum in Barry. This and the weekend before where I went to London provided me with the opportunity to distance myself from my demanding girlfriend. We had a chat and caught up with things and I had the opportunity to use my DV5700 video camera around Barry and Cardiff. Unfortunately the strap caught on the Velcro and the glass on the front smashed. Luckily this was not the lens. On the Sunday I went to Cardiff to see the castle and go to the Doctor Who exhibition in Cardiff Bay. Both were great and I got sunburned as well. At the castle I went on a guided tour and walked up and down the steep stairs in the keep (causing my legs to go stiff). The Doctor Who exhibition consisted of a series of video clips and life size models from the new series. I spent a lot of money in the shop too (top trumps, 3D book, storybook and cards). Also there was a rave in Coopers fields behind the castle but I just could not be bothered with it.

Over the previous weekend I went to and got drunk at Amos and Kate's wedding party. There were over 100 people there and I used the opportunity to get to know a few of them and take loads of pictures. I think we all had a lot of fun too. However the coach journey there was horrendous and took over 7 hours (why did the driver take us through grid-locked Baker street and Oxford street). It also nearly crashed twice in London and I was glad to wear my seat belt. Also, I met James at Victoria but I went a bit Pete Tong. It took half an hour to link up because he had his phone off/no signal but we met again before I left on Sunday. So I've had two weekends of fun and without either spending them on my own.

Summary of 2006 thus far

This year is a funny year for me. I thought that I would be in work much sooner than August, did not expect to have a partner and certainly did not bank on the time commitment and problems that this entailed. In particular I am pissed off about not finishing Interactive Arts, the Photoshop and Illustrator courses, not having the time to do good demo work (for myself and Onteca) and all the sleep problems that I have inherited. Here is a brief summary of each month:

January: 7/10 (stopped smoking, started blogs and Onteca course, made job applications)
February: 8/10 (Onteca attendance good, Photoshop/Illustrator, Interactive Arts, jobs)
March : 5/10 (met Lesley, solar, attendance and commitment dropped but not quite stopped)
April: 4/10 (things good too slow, courses and job applications neglected, finances worsening)
May: 3/10 (I have given up everything for her and have lost track of reality, poor timekeeping)
June: 3/10 (Weekly raves take their toll, taking days to recover, failed to visit Onteca once)
July: 5/10 (Kickstarted job applications, creative thinking, philosophy, blogs, Shamania fiasco)
August: 8/10 (so far good, interviews & job offers, less Lesley, tidy flat, visits, communication)

This I need to keep up or else my finances will take a major tumble. Also do I stick with the Legal Advice job I started today or go to LBM next week. My gut feeling now is to do the former because LBM have cocked up with the offer letter, it may be 6 days a week and the buses are one and hour only 15 minutes after the end of the shift. Also need to continue game design, Maya, Photoshop and Illustrator learning and keep looking for better work.

Crossing the Void

Levels of reality:

The physical - science and the world that is measurable
The mental - meta science and the world that is imaginable
The spiritual - belief and the importance of life goals

How they interact and the role of transcendence and enlightenment.

Where have all the aliens gone?

Are we alone?

General cases of race development, extinction, good versus evil
Where races evolve to transcend the visible universe
Holistic approach to advancement (good-evil neutrality, Godhood, enlightenment)
Human race - either we are the first, first of many disconnected at similar tech or universe is turned by hyper-evolved beings (us in a previous iteration).

Universe as the inside of a great but highly logical mind - possibly a collective machine consciousness. Humans as experience or needed factor to be able to think or cope with illogical and emotional paradigms.

A message to The Doctor

My body is falling apart! Medical problems of a recent occurrence:

Sleep Problems and Wheezing - started with hot weather, triggered in sleep (2-3 hours after going to bed) when cannot breathe without getting up (uncontrollable coughing). Started about a month ago - possible allergy to dust or mould (mattress on floor). Disappears soon after getting up. Also run out of inhalers. Also having trouble with sleep hours and going to sleep (keep waking up with night terrors - last month only). Also, I get coughing and wheezing when dusting/tidying flat.

Two dead toenails - possibly in-growing. Started last November and cannot cut these properly. One of them is turning black but there is no pain.

Mole(s) - scratched one on right leg last week and it started to bleed (possibly a mosquito bite). Also dimple on left wrist appeared 2 months ago but is red and not going away. Is there anything wrong with my skin.

Bottom Bleeding - when having a dump blood sometimes comes out. On a visit a few years ago I was diagnosed with a cut in this area but it healed up - now it appears to be triggered soon after taking coffee and/or Paracetamol.

Dull pain at base of spine - occurs intermittently but feels related to getting too much / too little sleep and appears when paracetamol wears off. I don't think this is related to exercise or diet.

Exhaustion and lethergy - probably related to the about symptoms but it is causing problems with doing things, for example physical exercise, falling asleep reading a book or causing frustration, depression and anger.

Paracetamol use - due to aches, pains and discomfort (including headaches and sinus pain arising from Hayfever and lack of sleep) I have been taking paracetamol most days (2-4 tablets) to calm the pain. Is this causing problems?

Advice from the Doctor -

Jobsearch conundrum

All of the jobs I get interviews for are for call centres or Telesales positions. When I try for admin roles or web design/technical roles I don't get a sniff and find that many are having huge demands on skills and experience. Even some of the banks will not take me on for their call centres because their interviews are too strict (you have to get all the competency questions perfect or near perfect to get a lowly customer service adviser job). This is an insult to my intelligence and that of all the other graduate level applicants. This is one thing that I hate about Capitalism (the free market economy getting to the point that employers can ask for so much and yet not care for developing the people who can save the planet and mankind).

What I need is to do something that I enjoy or feel rewarding and get enough money to live on - at least £14K a year. I have done jobs in the past with these salaries and which were much more interesting then call centres. Now I find I cannot get any because my experience is out of date and I'm older. Now I'm wondering if I can survive and if things continue to screw up because of bureaucracy, stonewalling, perfectionist snobbery or plain stupidity then I will take things into my own hands. This applies to politics as well as employment.

Yes I can do things to improve my chances of employment. I can update my CV and tailor to each job, brush up my interview skills, learn and improve technical skills, produce demos and knock on employers doors. But none of this is any good if employers keep on demanding experience, ignoring the environment and screwing over anyone who has different ideas and philosophy. In essence companies and the government are shooting themselves in the foot.

I need to get any job to sort out my finances and keep on applying for better work. But time is short. I'm getting fed up with having to spend so much time with application and doing work that I do not want to do (call centres) when I want to do more creative, varied and challenging work. Of course I could volunteer but will so much debt and time eaten up it is not much of an option and starting a business appeals but I'm not prepared to take on more debt. Ditto for IT certification courses as none have a guarantee of employment (an illustration of the private sector trying to provide a service but really only interested in making a profit).

808 State

Last weekend turned out to be as eventful as Shamania and again for all the wrong reasons.

I visited my ex-girlfriend in Leeds to go to unity day and it was also a chance to discuss the relationship and the things that went wrong during and after Shamania. I arrived on Saturday morning and we had a relaxing time until we both tried some 2CB and went to the park for the dog show. By then Lesley was not feeling well (yet again) and the noise of the dub tent next to the dog show was too loud. So we went back home and had an intense experience in front of Doctor Who. At one point I thought we were going to get together again.

We went back to the park later on, danced, met some people and one of them - Paul went back with us and later damaged the smoke alarm. Then the three of us went to the West Indian Centre to see 808 State. It was packed and we had to queue to get in. It was worth it and Graeme Massey put on class tune after class tune. Lesley decided to snog one or two other guys. By then I had come to the decision that I just wanted to be friends with her. 808 State was a DJ act rather than a live PA and their music varied from classic hits to newer electro-orientated music. We were off on one and had a whale of a time. At 5am we left and I was so tired that all I thought about was sleep (I was having a lot of problems sleeping the previous week with a wheezy cough and hay fever).

Then back at Lesley's flat when I was off my face listening to 'Blue Monday' on my ipod a vision of Geshe-la (from my Buddhist years and a great spiritual healer) came into my vision and I sensed that something was going to happen. Lesley appeared but I didn't take notice. Then I went to the loo and realised that she had a visitor...oh that visitor (her sexual healer). Now she had not had any close encounters with this guy for 3 years so we thought it was over. We were wrong. The decadence of the next few hours was a bit too much and I got some sleep in the lounge.

Early evening and time for me to leave (the other guy was still there with her sleeping in her bed). All the stuff in the lounge had been moved around earlier on. On the way I had realised that I had forgotten my coach ticket and ran back. I had to knock loudly several times (the intercom did not work) and once in I took a coach ticket from the floor, said my goodbyes again and then got stood up by the next bus not arriving. At the coach station I prepared to get the next coach but could not get a new ticket (it was Sunday and memories of being refused on the coach returned). At the cashpoint I realised that I had left my debit card on a seat in the waiting area. I ran back only to find it gone. I panicked big time and was reduced to begging for 2 quid to make the money up.

Then things got better at last. I found a book on one of the coffee tables and was eventually allowed onto the coach after waiting because the coach was nearly full (totally full by the time I got on). On the coach I called Deano, got the ticket cancelled and got hope safely thank God. Now I definately do not want to get back together with her.

Blue Monday

Blue Monday stuff on the following forum:

Celtic psytrance Blue Monday thread

I love this song so much. It had such an influence on my life as did the band New Order. Love the lyrics of many 1980s songs because they contained a lot more depth than most of the stuff released now (instrumental music is vastly more preferable to shallow lyrics and whining vocals). As a result of getting into New Order I started listening to Depeche Mode, Front 242, Kraftwerk, Jarre and other underground electro(nic) acts.

Later I got into Hawkwind, Ozrics, Eat Static, Orbital, Prodigy, Juno Reactor etc. Now I'm learning how to produce tracks and visuals and am into the genres of electronic body music, psytrance, ambient and anything that is unusual and different in the dance music (and sometimes rock music) genre.

Teleportation ideas

Just a thought - try teleportation on the encyclopaedia and science sites (says it is impossible because of quantum effects and if is were possible the original would be destroyed anyway):

http://science.howstuffworks.com (online encyclopaedia with a lot of useful stuff about how things work)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page (a more formalised and comprehensive online encyclopaedia)

Then look at the possibility of downloading the content of the brain (touted as possible in 30-50 years by some research analysts - possibly using a hybrid of quantum and organic computers). Then check out a process called Direct Writing (like rapid prototyping but can be used to create biological tissue and on the spot drugs - info transferred from A to B via high bandwidth Network connection - exact object reconstructed quickly, could in future be a 'cloned' body). Transfer the brain information across and upload to the new body (whether this info could be transmitted across outer space is a different matter). Then combine these - what have you got? Voila, teleportation in disguise! OK its not the panacea of simplicity and is currently impossible but such a system would have innumerable other applications.