My 10 Biggest Blunders

Listed below are what I consider to be my top ten of life mistakes that I have made together with reasons why and outcome analysis:

• Letting others tease me at school and causing me to have temper tantrums. This was so painful and at times I cannot understand how I survived without running away. Also, I had to deal with an alcoholic mother.
• Cheating whilst doing my Astronomy degree. I used someone else's practical assignments for my own work (and copied one of them directly). I got caught by the tutors and suffered penalties that may have affected my degree result.
• Failing to act on obvious attractions with girls during my teens, twenties and early thirties. This has led me to have very few sexual relationships and make mistakes with falling for the wrong women.
• Leaving Ordnance Survey too early to do a PhD before learning the skills properly. This also resulted in my leaving a supportive environment (Buddhist centre).
• Not working on my PhD topic because I became too engrossed in rave culture and drugs. Subsequently I withdrew from the research.
• Falling out with my landlady who was also a friend by having an argument or series of arguments over minor things. Resulted in having to leave the property quickly, getting burgled several times at the new place and having to move again. Her partner abused her when I was living there and I was very angry about it. She gave zero tolerance for one person but not for another, how unfair.
• Accepting a lift from strangers on one occasion only. This was late at night and resulted in losing my wallet, a fleece and my dignity.
• Letting people borrow money from me on several occasions including one person who took over 2000 pounds. I must never let money part from my hands again unless it is part of a legal contract such as a business transaction or purchase (unless I intend to give it away).
• Choosing wrong friends and partners on several occasions. I have been threatened with violence by a girl I fancied who flirted with me only a week earlier. The crime was for visiting her house to see if she was in (she was not and her housemate took offence). Also, another woman who was using people for sex and several people mostly in Manchester who were addicted to drugs or swindled money.
• Not completing Interactive Arts the first time that I could have done. My finances and motivation only got work on the two successive years. Also, I should have done Art and Design Foundation instead of ploughing into doing yet another degree course.

I have often been told that I am too soft with people but I hate conflict. Also, I have been late too many times, missed some key appointments and tend to either do nothing at all or everything at once. I have great ideas but do little with them. Then again I like to experience things and understand emotions. Motivation problems and laziness have led me too often to take rubbish jobs at call centres, sit around watching TV, sleeping in and smoking pot when I could be doing so much more in life. Now I feel depressed because of finances and unemployment. It is like trying to escape the gravity well of a black hole.