The laws of contact
People come and go and yet there are a small number who are friends for more than a few months. Now it seems that it is all too easy to lose contact with people through changes in telephone numbers, not having enough time to meet up, relocation and other commitments. I am poor at keeping in contact with people and can become depressed when no one answers the phone or calls me back but sometimes this is because I take months to call in the first place.
This is not the end of the story. There are people, particularly women, who keep in contact for a while and then all of a sudden never return a call. Then other women who never give a chance to know you in the first place. Then there are women who do not forgive an angry outburst or a failed rendezvous and just ignore everything you throw at them. I absolutely hate being ignored and consider it a total insult - more so then them speaking their own mind and telling me not to contact them again. This can be true of both sexes but in general men tend to tell you to f*** off more then women.
In addition to being let down people drop contact because of family trouble, new and problematic sexual relationships, having babies, commitments through work or study and plain old laziness. There is also a factor of drifting away after a while but this is usually facilitated by losing something in common or relocation to another area. Some other gripes of mine are people taking advantage and changing of the goal posts.
So, why is it so hard to maintain female friends when you are single? This has something to do with how safe women feel with male friends. Being single puts them off but I have seen many men whether gay or hetereosexual in sexual relationships having lots of female friends. Quite often some of these friends like the men so much that they want sex with them. Yet a single man with little sexual experience is snubbed by this horrid capitalist modern society. If you are rich and in a job or charming and with loads of attractive friends then there is not a problem. If poor or fat or ugly or shy or sensitive then it is a major mountain to climb. This is not counting the issues of women who are single mothers or the 30 somethings who want an ideal partner to father unborn children.
This is not the end of the story. There are people, particularly women, who keep in contact for a while and then all of a sudden never return a call. Then other women who never give a chance to know you in the first place. Then there are women who do not forgive an angry outburst or a failed rendezvous and just ignore everything you throw at them. I absolutely hate being ignored and consider it a total insult - more so then them speaking their own mind and telling me not to contact them again. This can be true of both sexes but in general men tend to tell you to f*** off more then women.
In addition to being let down people drop contact because of family trouble, new and problematic sexual relationships, having babies, commitments through work or study and plain old laziness. There is also a factor of drifting away after a while but this is usually facilitated by losing something in common or relocation to another area. Some other gripes of mine are people taking advantage and changing of the goal posts.
So, why is it so hard to maintain female friends when you are single? This has something to do with how safe women feel with male friends. Being single puts them off but I have seen many men whether gay or hetereosexual in sexual relationships having lots of female friends. Quite often some of these friends like the men so much that they want sex with them. Yet a single man with little sexual experience is snubbed by this horrid capitalist modern society. If you are rich and in a job or charming and with loads of attractive friends then there is not a problem. If poor or fat or ugly or shy or sensitive then it is a major mountain to climb. This is not counting the issues of women who are single mothers or the 30 somethings who want an ideal partner to father unborn children.
posted by candelmar at 6:14 PM
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